To fully experience this life as a human being. we all need to connect with our desire to realize something larger than our individual selves. This can be motivation enough to change our ways so we can find relief from the noise that fills our heads.
-Thich Nhat Hanh
A lesson in social wellness…
As an Amazon Affiliate it is policy to inform you that this is an advertisement. However, this is still a reflection of a great book that I’ve read many times over. I believe it would benefit any who may read it. You can find the link for it in my references located at the bottom of this page.
We’re finally past money. I didn’t want to spend too much time on that because I didn’t intend for it to become all you thought about. Because then I’ve lost you. The point of financial literacy is not to worry about money. At this point, there shouldn’t be much that bothers you anymore, but there’s still a bit to cover. It’d be irresponsible of me to release you savages now. We have to get you socially fluid. However, if you are still spiritually unwell, you may not be prepared to put yourself out there. You might not be able to endure what I am suggesting at this current time. Feel free to go back a few steps if you have to. You have nothing but time. There is a difference between “staying cool” and “chilling the fuck out;” and that’s where we are going to start.
This world is too loud…
Silence is extremely underrated. It’s power is nearly limitless. No other sound can outlast it. It was there before you were born and it will be there once you die. It is the sound of oblivion and stillness. Perhaps that’s why silence can be so unsettling for most of us. By the time we are done here, you will learn to see it differently. Moments of silence makes pretty much everything better. Music would just be noise without it. Most epic story arcs have moments of rest so that the story can have time to build. The power of silence is to bring out the beauty of the moment, and beauty has a way of intimidating a weak spirit.
Noise isn’t just an external stimulus. It can come from within as well. You could have over 20 thoughts in a single minute; thousands within a day. It’s a miracle that we haven’t all gone insane. Some people actually do end up driving themselves crazy. This is why most people seek out the external noise in order to drown out the internal noise. This is not good. To drown out a noise isn’t the same as silencing it. Stacking noise on top of noise is exactly how you invite chaos into your life. Thinking for yourself wouldn’t get you very far if you cannot concentrate. You must learn how to turn down your own volume.
Those who relate silence to weakness are fools. Silence is one of the most powerful ways to protest. For example, has your significant other ever given you the silent treatment? Silence can be just as imposing and as menacing as it can be peaceful. Silence is where energy is gathered. It also guards your secrets as well as the secrets of others. It’s always the quiet people you have to watch out for. Imagine how fun it would be to be that kind of person. Those who fear silence have no idea of it’s healing power. Sitting in silence gives you time to deal with trauma. A therapist can only guide you up to a point. Its ultimately up to you to determine where your negative emotions are coming from and how to overcome them. Since we breathe subconsciously, it sounds like a lie when I tell you that conscious breathing would change a lot for you. But try it out next time you find yourself in a quiet area. No headphones. No screens. Embrace the silence and let it calm you. Take in your surroundings and search for the beauty. You will become supremely aware of what’s going on around you. At first, you might only be able to maintain this inner silence for a few moments, but with consistency it will eventually become your default setting.
Once you can maintain your inner silence it becomes solitude or “noble silence” if you want to be more profound. “Zen” is the classic word for it. Noble silence gives off a certain energy. It’s warm. You can tell when you are speaking with someone who has achieved it. They are remarkably still, calm, and focused. These people make you want to open up, even if you’ve just met. Though this is mostly a natural gift of introverts, anyone can do it. Everyone should practice solitude. It would solve a lot of problems. True silence grants multiple benefits for the mind and the spirit. For starters, it heals you. You aren’t actually resting until you are silent. It can also cloak you. You’d be amazed at how well you would blend into a setting and how often you would fly under a radar if you remained silent. You would be a part of nature. As a funny bonus you would “pop up” on people all the time. Wisdom would come to you quicker. 70% of your daily thoughts don’t amount to anything significant. Silencing pointless thoughts allows for the important images to surface. You aren’t truly ready to interact with anyone else until you can reach this level of silence.
This world is so loud and its getting louder. Noise disrupts your natural state, but if you become overstimulated for long enough, you will come to enjoy the noise. This is why there are so many burnt-out people all over the world. We are so conditioned by noise, that silence doesn’t feel right in the beginning. But it is the most natural sound in the world. Just like our eating habits, if we are consuming too much garbage, the good stuff doesn’t look too appealing. “Water? No thanks.” Am I right? It’s the same thing with silence. It’s an acquired taste. You have to learn to like it. It would work a little like this. First, you probably wouldn’t like it all that much. You’d probably play some music or play a YouTube video before too long. But over time, you’ll see that it isn’t all that bad. Once you can attach positive experiences to silence, you’ll grow to like it more. Next thing you know, you’re doing it just to do it. So try it, you’ll like it eventually.
Until you’ve learned to enjoy silence, there will always be something that is bothering you that you cannot quite put your finger on. You’ll always be one of “them” you know? Those who always need some sort of noise or influence to feel comfortable in solitude are among the loneliest people in the world. They can’t just sit with themselves. They have some sort of problem with themselves. They want to drown out their own noise with another noise. They want to be told how they should think or feel about something because they have no faith in their own sense of direction; so they’d rather not think about where they’re going. Ultimately, they are more dependent on other people than they should be. When people tell you that “you are enough” they aren’t taking everyone else’s opinion into account. They want YOU to know that you are enough. Even if you don’t fit in with a particular crowd, you should be enough for you.
Subconscious social tethers…
The mind has limited energy, you know? You can’t be available at all times; this will have a negative impact on your spirit. You will develop many social tethers over time. If you are unaware of how they work or how they develop you will get tangled up in all kinds of unnecessary trouble. You need your tethers to forge bonds, but without solitude (and proper judgement), these tethers will become a source of suffering. It becomes a way to control you. A way to trap you. Your tethers also invite a lot of noise into your life. I’ll go more into detail in a moment, but first a few rapid-fire tips. Tethers can either strengthen or weaken as you mature. That’s natural and nothing to get upset with someone about. People can and should change. There is such a thing as too many tethers. If you aren’t careful, you may find yourself spread too thin. To be untethered doesn’t mean to have no tethers at all, this would make you socially awkward. To be untethered is to be free to go wherever you choose. You are in complete control of yourself and can retract, or extend, or even cut your tethers whenever the need arises. That is what solitude is all about. Once you’re comfortable in solitude, you’re ready to make acquaintances anywhere you go, maybe even a new friend. It would be a choice and not a necessity or some odd twist of fate. This is the level I’m trying to get you on.
Humans are social creatures because we are all consumers. The things we enjoy become a social tether for us; a thing that drags us out of the house. We all eat the same things just cooked differently. We all listen to some type of music even if it’s not the exact same genre. Think of concerts, or conventions, or even the grocery store. What we consume brings us together and gives us an opportunity to interact. We are all a product of our environment, which effects what we consume, but you can’t forget that you can choose or change your environment. It is important to moderate what you consume, because it all effects the spirit, and your spirit is what determines your social outcomes. Since we are all consumers, we all have habits. As we know, some habits can work against us. We all have cravings we must be aware of. Once you start craving something, your mind tricks itself into thinking it is a priority. This is because of all the internal noise it generates. Cravings are something we will never escape. But it doesn’t mean we must always give in. Moments like these, is what makes solitude so important to your overall health. Chances are if you were in a quiet environment without any sort of triggers, you wouldn’t have felt the craving in the first place. Solitude gives you a chance to ask yourself “Do I really need to do this? Is there anything else more important that I must be getting to?”
Other social tethers we create come from our hobbies. If two people’s preferences align, it could be the start of beautiful friendship. Most hobbies aren’t bad for you unless you spend too much time doing it. Take gaming for example. When you start, it would be like 5pm, by the next time you look at the clock, it’s almost 3am. Now you are less prepared for the day. Even beneficial hobbies like exercising could negatively impact your health if you overdo it. Days of rest are critical for your development. And there is no rest without silence. Besides, if you are doing the same thing, every single day, all day, it will eventually lose its appeal to you. That also applies to the people you hang out with. Solitude keeps everything fresh, you get it?
Even if we are not aware of it. We are all spiritual beings. If enough hearts join together, it could make incredible things happen. Our interests would create more of those social tethers subconsciously. In fact, they can be the strongest, most reliable tethers we make. The purer the intent, the stronger it gets. Nothing unites people quite like a shared purpose. Maybe it is a common enemy that brings you together. Maybe you share a dream. Whatever it may be, you would ignore each other’s differences if you were at least of average intelligence. At least for a short while. But keep in mind that these particular social tethers have more control over you than the others. This is a tether that could force you to act. The wrong person could turn these tethers into a chain. If you can’t find the occasional quiet moment, you will never be fully rested. You will eventually burnout and your social tethers will become too tangled up to form any meaningful ties with anyone else.
Turn down that blasted noise!
Silence gives you space. Noise has a way of making you feel cramped even if the area around you isn’t too populated. The noise going on in your head keeps you trapped in your own little world. However, once you are trapped for long enough, you begin to enjoy the box. Leaving the box would feel awkward, but it’s not that silence is awkward, it is overwhelming. “What am I going to do with all this space?” Most of us don’t know how to enjoy that kind of freedom, so we would retreat back into our little box, back into the comfort of a complacent lifestyle. If you cannot silence yourself, you will eventually begin to overthink. An afflicted spirit becomes a fog that clouds your vision. Your clearest thoughts can only come to you once you’ve turned down the “blasted noise” that torments you. Each blasted sound carries a distinguishable tone. The ugliest of the blasted sounds is low hum of rumination. A lot of people have a hard time letting go of the past. Maybe they hate themselves over mistakes they’ve made. Maybe they can’t get over the fact that life isn’t fair. Rumination constantly brings you back to your lowest point. By the time you snap out of your haze, you regret the time you wasted. For those you who may be ruminating as you read this, I want you to imagine that you came down with a sense of amnesia. You still know your name. You have all the same values. You still have your skills and your dreams. But you forgot everything else. If you forgot about all of the bad things that happened to you, how would you carry yourself? What kind of person would you be?
The loudest of the blasted tones is the annoying buzzing of empathy. I’m not saying that consideration for others is bad for your social health, but non-stop consideration of others will wear down your spirit. We are building you up socially, so of course empathy has its place. I’m just saying you need less of it than you might think. You need to know when to shut it off. There’s nothing wrong with needing a moment for yourself. You will reach clarity at your own pace. Inner silence protects you from manipulation and keeps you from making any hasty decisions for someone else’s sake.
The most common blasted sound is the static of boredom. It’s a mashup of meaningless thoughts, cravings, and daydreams. That static is what keeps you from enjoying a good book. It makes it impossible to have a serious conversation. Boredom is consistent and, in a big way, it is your natural state. So it is the hardest blasted tone to silence. Inner silence isn’t a natural phenomenon. That’s why people have such deep respect for monks. But anyone can do it. I bet you’ve done it at least a few times by accident. Try to remember what that felt like. Chase that sensation. And like magic, the static will fade. Inner silence begins with solitude. You have to escape the external noise first. Maybe spend an hour at the library or go for a walk. Seek solitude and appreciate the external silence. Take it in and learn to just be alive and at peace. Search deep within yourself to find gratitude for this moment.
Blasted tones make it easy to forget what really matters to you. To drown out that noise, we like start to rely too much on our social tethers. That’s how you get tangled up. Then you’d never be able to escape the noise. Improving your social health will require you to constantly step out of your comfort zone. Self-improvement in general requires you to test yourself. But to truly take in a new experience, you must allow yourself to let go: to become untethered, in other words. This is what blasted tones prohibit. You would be too caught up in what other people might be thinking, or you would be too wrapped up in your own suffering, or you would be too concerned about your worldly desires. Inner silence brings you freedom. Inner silence is what comes to you once you have faith in yourself. It is the sound of confidence. Imagine wanting to introduce yourself but holding yourself back because of whatever that blasted sound is telling you. Even if you managed to push through it, the encounter would be awkward or sloppy. Solitude allows you to cut through noise. This is an important personal ability. This aids in your learning and problem-solving skills. You’ll be able to focus on the mission. You’ll be able to listen to what someone may or may not be telling you. Inner silence doesn’t require a peaceful setting. Everyone around you could be panicking while you remain completely calm. The same could be said about solitude. You could be surrounded by like-minded people while still retaining your own opinions. You don’t have to sit on a rock in the mountains to reach this level of autonomy. All it requires is that you be present in the moment. Remember, conscious breathing would do so much for you.
For most of us, maintaining an inner silence would make therapy unnecessary. Your thoughts would be easy enough to analyze through introspection. There wouldn’t be any other noise drowning out what you are truly feeling inside. You wouldn’t need anyone to tell you what something might mean. You would be able to let go without any assistance. I am aware that maintaining an inner silence can be quite difficult. Because we enjoy our blasted tones. We enjoy wasting precious time ruminating on something we should’ve forgiven long ago. Giving into your boredom and running a little wild can be tempting especially if you are the logical type. And there’s always someone in your life who has an influence on you whether they raised you, look up to you, or if they are just accounted for in general. When you are uncomfortable in any given scenario, chances are high that you might be the only one who’s triggered. The majority of the social frustrations we have come from our own failures rather from a sense of justice. Usually we are unable to see this until well after you have done or said whatever you did. Fortunately, if you can sustain a noble silence, you will remain in control of your fate.
Sharing a beautiful silence
If you are terminally online, you might want to unfuck that. Especially if you are dealing with some kind of trauma. Despite how easy it is to connect with one another communication seems to have gotten worse. People are more isolated than ever before. What makes the internet a gift and a curse is the fact that its a safe space. Its too safe of a space, at least physically speaking. Its so safe that most of us spend a good majority of our time there in way or another. When you feel too safe, darkness becomes more tempting. Even if you resist the darkness, the majority of people will not, and you will experience it anyway. If you’re one of my readers who may spend too much time on the internet, I’m sure you believe that we are living in hell. The internet isn’t real life. It is merely a reflection of what you focus on. Perhaps what you need the most is to take a break from the internet. Get away from the noise for a while. You can only become “grounded” in reality. If you’re wondering if you are the kind of person who should consider my words, ask yourself this, “When was the last natural connection I made?” When you spend enough time off the internet, you begin to realize something. You will notice that you are still connected to those most important to you. Real friends do not require unlimited access to one another. The purpose of a friend isn’t to distract or serve you. You are supposed to consistently learn from one another; this is the mark of a true friendship. Just sharing pleasant memories isn’t enough to qualify someone as a friend; perhaps you could count that person as an acquaintance. What have you learned from your time together? Has this person changed you for the better or worse?
Solitude doesnt have to be a solitary experience. It can be shared. That is what makes groups and relationships so powerful. Sharing solitude is a simple matter. Instead of saying “I” or “you” when speaking or thinking, you must say “we.” Sharing is easy, its the solitude part that is difficult. More often than not, an invitation can lead to awkward situations or chaos. You should never invite another person, you should never say “we” if you have not achieved an inner silence. Silence helps you to establish a wavelength. If you wish to sync with another there are four assertions you must remember. “I’m here” is an assertion you would use if someone wants your attention. This also gives a calming influence to the one who wants your attention; they would be more willing to speak your language. “I see you” is the best all around compliment you could give someone you know. Because you are taking a silent moment to appreciate their brilliance. “What’s wrong with you?” Is the assertion you would need if your intent was clearing the air. You would ask this question seriously without any threat or disappointment in your tone. You must truly wish to remedy the situation. And finally, “can I speak to you for a moment?” is such an underrated assertion. First off, it shows respect for the other’s time. Their mind will instantly silence itself for at least for a moment. The anticipation will permit you to place an image in their minds. These assertions work great on their own but also blend together quite well.
Inner silence is a choice you make. It should be influenced, but never forced onto others. If it were forced on you, it would cause all sorts of repressed frustrations which you’ll eventually take out on someone weaker than yourself. Ya know, the whole “cycle of abuse” and whatnot. When you choose silence, you aren’t repressing yourself at all; you are giving yourself space. If the people you are with cannot enjoy a silent moment with you, then give them more space. If you sense chaos within another, then backing off is the best thing you can do for them.
Sharing a silent moment with a stranger is often how friendships begin. That’s why it’s so easy to make friends in school, or the military, or any given religious gathering. To be silent together is to be in unison. This isn’t the same as not talking to each other. Being silent together is to share an intent. You are learning together. That is what forges bonds. Silence gives you a moment to cultivate your message. Far too often we say the first thing that comes to mind. This usually lands us in trouble or offends others without the intent. When we do this, we are speaking just to hear ourselves speak instead of conversing. Whenever you speak you want to put the right image in the mind of whoever you are speaking to. You don’t want to speak too fast or use language that would cause affliction. And you also don’t want to speak too much. Silence also gives the other person some time to think about what you’ve said.
Learn to sit with yourself.
If your thoughts equate to sound, then fear would function more like a subwoofer or an amp. Fear is what holds most people back from reaching their potential. This is definitely the case when we consider our social lives. That fear can manifest in various ways such as a hatred of oneself or others. Forgetting the ability to say no is also a common coping mechanism. Some of us never go out because of it. You aren’t supposed to cope with your fears, and you can only avoid what frightens you for so long. You have to deal with it somehow. You don’t drown out your fears with alcohol or any other source of distraction. Chances are, what you are afraid of isn’t even all that scary. Plenty of people have already figured out a way past or lived through whatever is holding you back. And I’m willing to bet that there isn’t that much of a difference between them and you. Just take a silent moment to get your thoughts in order. Eventually you’ll give yourself enough credit. Embracing your suffering is the cornerstone of my philosophy. It’s basically my brand. Sure, it could break you, but you can’t grow without it. What makes someone incredible isn’t what they have to show, it’s what they’ve been through. Its what they’ve made out of what they had.
How would someone overcome fear forever? Some of you have lived in fear for so long that you might not think it’s even possible. But I have good news. There is a way to tap into that super version of you that is deep down. I can even describe to you how it feels. It feels like you’re at home. Home is where the heart is correct? And logically speaking, where is the heart? Inside you. You are completely comfortable with yourself inside and out no matter where you go or who you’re talking to. To overcome fear forever, you must know yourself.
I’ve mentioned the importance of personal sanctuaries a few times in previous meditations because they are essential to maintaining your intellectual and spiritual wellness. Sanctuaries are also important for your social wellness; not just because you get a break from everyone, but you would also have a space to invite others. As you broaden your horizons you must make note of any suitable resting spots you could return to. Personally, I prefer somewhere scenic. Or maybe a nice trail. I keep an eye out for good fishing spots as well. You know you’ve found a great spot when you thoroughly enjoy being there alone.
Shut up for a minute
Solitude should give you a joy that rivals laughter. Imagine being allowed to do whatever you want because nobody is around to stop you. Do you believe that only those with power can act like this? You would be correct. However, once you realize that you are stronger than you believe, you will come to understand that freedom isn’t a blessing; it is a choice. After solitude comes gratitude. To see for yourself, try this next time you eat. Eat while practicing inner silence. Actually taste your food and take a moment to appreciate the person who made it. There are a lot of people out there who don’t get to eat the way that you do. Take all of that in. Then you’ll get it. Solitude makes every moment count. How can you tell the difference between solitude and isolation? There are a few key differences. In Isolation, the mind is either in the past or in the future. Practicing solitude is the act of bringing your mind into the presnt time. Isolation can be self-inflicted or enforced due to the consequences of your choices, while solitude isn’t even all that deep. Isolation is complicated while solitude is simple. That’s the best way I can put it. How will your spirit react once it can no longer escape silence? For those of you who wish for change, try to maintain a noble silence. It may take some of you longer to put things into perspective than others, but please try. Silence all of the blasted tones and sit with whatever is bothering you until you figure out a way to confront it. Then do it again, and again, until you become that person you always knew you could be.
References and photos
Silence– Thich Nhat Hanh
SpongeBob- Nickelodeon Studios
Dragon Ball- Akira toriyama
Avatar the last airbender- Nickelodeon Studios