“Life is Subtractive” – Shwetabh Gangwar,
A Lesson in Emotional and Intellectual Wellness….
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To be “special”
Want to learn how to make something dangerous immediately? Try making it special to you.
What is special? Being special is being better, greater, or otherwise different from what is usual. A simple enough definition for a powerful word. We make ourselves special, we make other people special, we make things special, places, days, clothing, etc, etc.
Why is special a powerful word? Because if we make the wrong things special, we give the wrong things power over us. If we make people special, their words become our thoughts. If we make our groups special, we conform. If we make a certain lifestyle special, we will do anything to achieve it. The word special has the ability to drive emotion, which is what makes the word so powerful.
Which is what makes the word dangerous.
(Light Yagami and Ryuk from “Death note“)
What satisfaction is about
We should be very careful who and what we label special. Our relationships are special. Our duties are special. Our bodies are special. Our dreams are special. That’s about it. Too much more than that, and you run the greater risk of conflicting interests or insatiability. Someone who keeps their special list this short has enough to live for, they have enough to live well, and they are less likely to create problems for themselves.
Though I said dangerous, I didn’t mean bad. Dangerous is just another word for powerful. Power over you. What you consider special is a reflection of your values. Your enemies would attack what you think is special. Manipulators motivate you through your values. Most of your time, your greatest non-renewable resource is spent on whatever you qualify as special. You must know what you hold valuable and keep the list short. Maintain it. This is the path to life satisfaction.
Life satisfaction > happiness
(Colonel H. Stinkmeaner from “the boondocks”)
Happiness and why it sucks
I have a slight problem with the word “happiness”…
Satisfaction is what most people want. They use the word “happiness” to describe their hopes for the future. But the goal of happiness is elusive. When people think of happiness, they think of new things, new people, more money, and additions in general. Life does not work that way. Life is subtractive by nature. You lose something every year you will never get back. The more you add, the more you will eventually want, and the more suffering you will go through once it’s all lost.
Satisfaction is all about strategic additions, careful maintenance, and constant gratitude. It takes a degree of self-control and forward thinking. Humility is another important trait to develop. Humility leads to acceptance and growth. With humility, being wrong or losing or getting rejected is not the end of the world for you. You are able to try again or find a different path. Most importantly, it controls your emotions and brings you one step closer to thinking for yourself.
Think of happiness as a weak drug, like caffeine or nicotine. Nothing that’ll kill you directly. At times, it’s exactly what you need. But if you overdo it, it starts losing its effects. Additions just aren’t as thrilling as they used to be. Your mind craves its effects, but your tolerance has become too high. This alters your mind negatively. The stress and depression you’ve been outrunning so far finally catches up to you and takes full effect after a while.
Sucks right? This is my problem with happiness. It only makes up 1/3 of what satisfaction is.
(The Wellness Wheel)
How to obtain satisfaction
Maintenance is where self-worth is gained. What’s the point of adding anything into your life if you are just going to mistreat it? How well are the things you already have? Have you done everything there is to do with what you currently have? Are you proficient with everything you have? Have you thought of any new ways to use old things? Very important questions. Having nice new things is good, but how far will it take you? How much use will you get out of it? What makes it special to you? Whatever you add into your life must align with your values. You must then bring its qualities to a full shine. That’s how you gain self-worth.
Then there’s gratitude. Can you look at what you have and be glad that you have it? Even the bad things? Can you thank your enemies for keeping you sharp? Can you see the lessons in your rejections and defeats? Can you be glad that your problems aren’t worse than they already are? Because it can always be worse.
Once you have a handle on the 3 steps to satisfaction in life, humility is the natural result. Humility is a combination of acceptance and moving on. You know what is special to you, therefore, you know what is not important. Your emotions are harder for external forces to control. Your ego is no longer running amok. You don’t need as much validation as the next person, because you have gained your self-worth. Through maintenance, Your self-respect will become important to you. It will become easier to look at yourself objectively. You are aware of your faults, you are working towards them, you will be grateful for the progress you have made and with a clear mind, you can begin thinking how to make the next strategic special addition to your life.
The emphasis on ‘strategic’ additions.
(Huell from “breaking bad”. Season 5 episode 9: Blood Money)
Back to my issue with happiness. What if you add the wrong thing or person into your life? You have to realize that you don’t know yourself as much as you’d like to think you do. Your good ideas today will become your silly mistakes tomorrow. Your impulse buy may become a hole in your budget that you’re legally obligated to maintain. That program you joined might not be everything you thought it was. What you added to your life may have added no real value to your life at all.
The same goes for other people as well. They don’t know themselves as much as they’d like. So how could you possibly know who this person is? Especially when you don’t know yourself? This person may be the worst possible addition to your life, trapping you into maintaining a toxic relationship. Put some serious consideration into who you think of as special.
It goes further than just relationships. It also goes into dynamics, such as performers vs spectators. There is always more to people than what they show. Always.
Making someone special puts them above you. You try to emulate that special individuals personality and lifestyle. That influential person is most likely just playing a role that you bought into. They are most likely living by completely different (and much more sustainable) philosophies off camera. You cease to think for yourself when this special person is concerned. Because they preach what resonates with (or against) your desires. It’s all for a profit, be it monetarily or socially.
You have to be strategic with your additions in life. You do that by being careful what you think of as special. It takes time and a humble look inward to truly consider what your values are. Listen to what you agree or disagree with and ask yourself ‘why.?’ Pay attention to what you like and question if it’s any good for you in the long run. Pay attention to what you dislike and consider why it’s there. Your special list will become clearer to you with introspection. It’s fine if your values are not clear to you yet. Not knowing is the essence of humility and the beginning of critical thought.
Critical thinking is simply pausing to consider what you do not know. Applying it to yourself is powerful. You detach yourself emotionally from yourself to find out what knowledge you are lacking. The knowledge you gain won’t just become something to show off, it’ll become part of how you see life. A Very important skill to obtain.
Not knowing your values at this moment is okay, it only becomes a shame if nothing changes in the future. If you remain clueless of your values you risk becoming controllable, you risk depression, you risk self-destruction!
Be careful what you think of as special. This requires self-restraint, and deep introspection. You practice these skills through strategic additions, careful maintenance, and gratitude for the things in your life. Humility and self-respect are the natural results,
and you can begin living life the best way you can. Think satisfaction over happiness. Learn your values and keep the list short.
Valuing nothing is worse than not knowing what you value. Nothing motivates you? You want to be nothing? You look out for no one? Well, aren’t you a waste of space? He who holds nothing special is nothing special. Remember that.
Check out the “Rudest book ever” in the references section, I believe anyone can benefit from reading it.