“Spiritual practice does not need to be connected to organized religion in order to be meaningful. Some individuals find their sacred connection to life communing with the natural world and engaging in practices that honor life-sustaining ecosystems.”
– Bell Hooks
A Lesson in spiritual wellness…
As an Amazon Affiliate it is policy to inform you that this is an advertisement. However, this is still a reflection of a great book that I’ve read many times over. I believe it would benefit any who may read it. You can find the link for it in my references located at the bottom of this page.
Love is complicated.
So, you may have realized during the last lesson that liberation is really no different than showing love. Since we’re almost to the end of the spiritual lessons, it’s time we covered the topic of love in its entirety. Because any time you hear the word “spiritual,” it always boils down to lessons about love; no matter your religion.
The whole point of getting in touch with our emotions is to avoid making stupid decisions… Then we have love… Life’s boring without loving something. Though we do not fully understand what love means, the possibility of it makes us do things we would never. Love can empower and change you. Unfortunately, it’s not always for the better…
Some of you may think that love cannot be found. You people are correct. You are not supposed to find love. You are supposed to release it. Most of what we read and listen to about the subject of love is simply not true. In fact, most of it only deludes us further. A lot of these “experts on love” don’t even practice what they preach. Each gender believes they understand love better. They are only talking from a position of lack. Their views come from a sense of entitlement. What they feel they deserve.
When someone or something can soothe the senses, it is easy to get attached to it. It is similar to the dulling effect of drugs. A lot of us turn to drugs to fill that emptiness and boredom. Love is nothing like a drug. Its payoff is often in the long term. Our capacity for love gets weaker each passing generation. This is because love has become confused with a power dynamic over time. Love is simplified to desire.
Articulating Love.
We are often silent about what we love to protect ourselves. Manipulators can use whatever we love against us. With the decline of religion and the rise of dysfunctional families, newer generations confuse love’s definition. How we love is largely dependent on our upbringing. Some people never actually learn what love is or how to express it properly.
The first step to releasing love and improving your spiritual warmth is knowing what it is all about. How to articulate it. To open the mind is to open the heart. Our problems with articulating our love stem from our limited vocabulary. We use the word “love” for everything. This limits its power.
For instance, those who claim to have “fallen in love” are typically the ones who understand love the least. It is easy to think of love as caring about someone (or something) more than you care about yourself. But this is only a start. Being a “caring person” and being a “loving person” aren’t quite the same. That elevated feeling you get around someone is called “favor.” You are not “in love with” this individual. You are “in favor of” them.
Favor is a product of your instinct. It’s based on your current needs. It changes (or dulls) your instinct dramatically. If you were out of touch with your instincts in the first place, you’ll most likely become an idiot once in favor of someone. Favor is basically intense infatuation. It could happen in an instant. It’s what Disney movies are made of. THAT’S the instinctual part. “Favor,” not “love.” Love is a deliberate, right-minded choice. “The choice” usually comes after reality sets in.
The term dysfunctional refers to when love cannot be expressed properly. Even in a dysfunctional setting, we can feel loved. Dysfunction deceives us on how true love is supposed to look…
Dealing out pain.
The people we look at as family are the people we allow to manipulate us to a certain degree. Manipulation, as we discussed, creates a cycle from person to person. A shift in one’s perspective. You actually have to be taught how to love someone else. This takes a long time. In childhood, we are taught a specific way to love by our families. This often doesn’t match up to the rest of the world.
The next step in improving your spiritual warmth is learning how to effectively deny, reject, and punish. The damage we received as children shapes us into the adults we are today. Dysfunction makes it hard to tell the difference between “favor” and “love.” It’s just as dysfunctional to spoil children as it is to neglect them. Instead of thinking they have no place in the world, they’ll think the world revolves around them. Each path results in a disgusting sense of entitlement later on in adulthood.
The real victims of this world are the ones who were truly abused. Physically beaten… Sexually forced… Murdered… Abuse is a corruption tactic that will start a cycle or end in death or imprisonment. Abusive protectors only teach how to take their weakness out on weaker people. They believe maintaining power over others is proof of their strength. They may even delude themselves into thinking you respect that abuse of power. It is not possible to love someone you wish to enslave. The wish to possess someone is nothing more than selfish desire.
Abuse is not dysfunction. It’s not a crime to be dysfunctional. It’s only a shame. Dysfunction can even be a little funny despite the spiritual scarring. It’s the stuff that builds comedians. But it also builds chaotic minds. Everyone has their scars, but letting them change who you are is no one’s fault but your own. This is the harsh reality we like to forget. Your satisfaction is your job.
Abuse is wildly different from punishment. Abuse is inflicting unnecessary pain for little to no reason. Pain only makes us more self-centered than before. Most sufficient punishments have no need to inflict pain. The point of punishment is reform. To teach accountability. Most parents fall short of teaching their children accountability. Where most parents go wrong is focusing solely on the child’s suffering. A simple way of teaching accountability is making your rules clear from the very beginning. Complexity is dysfunctional.
How easy it is to screw up your kids.
If both parents are not present, dysfunction is almost unavoidable. The more youth programs a single parent has at their disposal, the better. There are lessons that you will be incapable of teaching. You would need youth programs even if both parents were active. But it would be paramount if single parenting.
Extended family is just as important as youth programs. You want to give your child the chance to interact with the right mentors early on in life. Create the village for your child. This is a digestible way to explain to your child that you aren’t always right. We secure the future by teaching our children the right way.
We lie for plenty of reasons. Most of the time, because we imagine it’s easier than telling the truth. Excuses are an example of how we lie to get out of invitations. Exaggerations are how we lie to manipulate someone. We also lie to avoid pain or to avoid causing others pain. An example of this is withholding information. This is why we must learn to remove blame from our character. Blaming promotes deception. Lying is only really a problem if it’s a fabrication or if it’s consistent.
Our natural aversion to accountability is a powerful driver for deception. Apologizing sucks. Dysfunctional families punish their children too harshly for telling the truth. Which makes some quicker to lie unnecessarily than others. Habitual lying is a sociopathic tendency and a symptom of a dysfunctional upbringing.
Dishonesty weakens you.
Lying often becomes a game for children. It’s a way of testing the limits of their manipulative potential. Remember that manipulation is a morally grey skill. And a powerful one. Easy to get carried away. Discourage the child from manipulation until they are old enough to understand the concept. There is a wrong and a right way to do it.
All that really matters is that everyone agrees on what the truth is. Our children are allowed to have wild imaginations. It is encouraged. However, it is the job of the parent to cultivate it properly. Instead of enabling fabrication in our children, we must encourage creation.
Kids learn to lie to avoid being bullied as well. This leads to conformity. Part of your job as a parent is to provide a creative outlet for your child. Your child must never learn to feel shame about who they are. They will grow into adults who will base their entire existence off of lies and empty boasts. We currently live in a society that glorifies lying. It won’t get any better in the future. Just because weakness is popular doesn’t make it good. I can’t think of a scarier position to be in than having a reputation based on lies.
You can’t receive love properly if you are giving incorrect instructions. Being an honest person doesn’t have to mean giving full disclosure at all times. Privacy is different than secrecy. Secrets involve lying where privacy is allowing someone the space to expand. Privacy soothes your worries where secrets keep you paranoid. You can be blackmailed by having a secret uncovered. You are inconvenienced by having your privacy invaded.
Those who want control over you will want you lying to yourself constantly. The more you lie, the weaker you become, and the more influence they will gain over you. Political leaders and corporations are particularly good at this. But any time power is involved in a relationship, lies become commonplace. Avoiding dishonesty is avoiding dysfunction.
Love on its own is a mixture of faith, hope, devotion, confidence, patience, and restoration. Not all of these requirements are considered virtuous. But love isn’t always particularly virtuous. What makes love “unconditional” is the aspect of forgiveness that comes with it. We spend our entire lives searching for this after childhood. The unconditional love we look for from others can only be given to ourselves.
Unconditional love.
Once you’ve given yourself unconditional love, it’ll feel a lot like becoming the main character in a story. You start wishing the best for yourself. You start avoiding things that have nothing to do with the story. You start taking more of an interest in the world around you. You are supposed to give yourself unconditional love until you have children, and then you bless them with it instead.
All others you choose to love outside of yourself must fulfill whatever requirements you have set. Since love is an important choice, it must be transactional. The purpose of love is fulfillment. Whatever it is you love unconditionally has to have something to do with the future. The safest bet other than your children is yourself.
You must align yourself with your purpose in life. How else will you be satisfied? Nothing brings you out of your right mind quite like working a job you detest. A sense of purpose is why we must cultivate creativity in our children. There is no greater source of pain than not knowing who you are.
Even if you are leagues away from your dream occupation, you can find suitable supplemental work that leaves enough time for progressive hobbies. Even if you landed your dream job, it should never be about the money you make. At least not primarily. It’s about what’s worth your time.
Even when doing work you love, do not neglect your sanctuaries. Maintain them well. Recovery is all about relaxing and refocusing. Living purposefully and optimizing recovery strengthens the spirit. It is traditionally the place of religion to incorporate love in their lessons, but one does not need to fear judgment to become a compassionate person.
Dysfunctional upbringings.
Religion is supposed to teach us love in ways the family cannot. No matter your perception of God, the higher presence is always synonymous with love. Religion is a wonderful teacher of hope. Religion is also great for teaching forgiveness. But ironically, it falls short of teaching faith. You learn faith, confidence, and patience from your purpose in life.
To be materialistic is a sign of a dysfunctional upbringing. Over time, religions have shifted their principles to suit their financial and political needs. Self-righteousness is encouraged more than self-love. Religions unify but can also polarize their communities. You are taught to show anyone outside of your community, either pity or contempt. You are automatically greater than anyone else outside of your group. This is dysfunctional programming.
Religion itself is a beautiful thing. But it is a popular vehicle for charlatans. When the corrupt lead the lost, matters only get worse. Being “spiritual” and “religious” are not the same. You could be religious but spiritually corrupt. It is possible to be both. But they are not synonymous. It is the same contrast between being “caring” and “loving.” Religion brightens the spirit, but spirituality warms the spirit.
Love places your mind in the future, which isn’t as beneficial as remaining present. But it’s better than dwelling in the past. Releasing love allows you to give more gratitude to what you have and for what you receive instead of focusing on what you want. You gain a better notion of what “enough” means.
Insatiability is a sign of a dysfunctional upbringing. Dysfunction creates misguided values. The only time you must change your values is if it infringes on the rights of others. With misguided values, we start fearing the wrong things. A dreary outlook on life is due to misguided values.
Since dysfunction is so common, it is easier for fear to be taught. The greater the absence of love, the deeper the effect of fear. This is why drama is more relatable than right mindedness. We need to start choosing better sources of information. Avoid the virtue signalers. Avoid the finger pointers. Avoid the nihilistic. All are dysfunctional and wish to manipulate you in some way.
The world gets faster each year. Without a purpose in life, we burn all our energy and money, trying to keep up with everyone else. The fear of missing out plays on the emptiness most people feel. Many people don’t have anyone who will forgive, restore, and rehabilitate them. This only worsens the feeling of emptiness.
I know it sounds lame, but love really is the key to brightening your world. The ultimate risk of dysfunction is addiction. Addiction is caused by a feeling of emptiness. It is an emptiness that we believe someone else is supposed to fill. Our values have become so misguided that our sons are killing for acceptance. Our daughters are having sex just because they need a hug. The desire for instant gratification takes away the choice of love and settles for a temporary favor.
Materialistic people are more likely to partake in dehumanizing acts. They may even treat other people like objects. They will devalue themselves or anyone else in return for favor. Favor does not need to be maintained to sustain love.
It’s easy to believe that the opposite of love is hate. That’s not necessarily true. It is possible to love and hate someone at the same time. No. The true polar opposite of love is greed.
Love’s opposite.
Once greed becomes an addiction, you have lost your way entirely. It’s disgraceful. Addiction is greed unchecked. Part of being “restorative” is holding the other accountable. Holding people accountable is a hard, ongoing job. Which is more proof that love is a choice. One who is greedy cannot correct another’s greed.
Greed often is the cause of cycles that will eventually burn you out. Each generation is taught that dysfunction is just the way things are, no matter your level of privilege. As if a dysfunctional upbringing can’t be avoided. This is simply not true. Love breaks cycles. The only way to avoid greed is not to desire power. Ironically, this unlocks the ultimate power. There will always be something wrong with this world.
Isolating yourself for too long will make you forget how to love. It is important to extend yourself beyond your family ties. Depending on family values alone will most likely result in a dysfunctional upbringing. Though our family ties are important to maintain, blood isn’t always thicker than water.
Now that you understand love and dysfunction, the final step to releasing love is forgiveness. The past should no longer bind you. The future should seem brighter. All that’s left is to return to the present.
Forgiveness isn’t about leaving things open for reconciliation. It’s about no longer wishing harm on someone. It’s about no longer expecting or requiring their contribution. It’s about moving on and freeing yourself spiritually. Forgiveness, of course, can lead to a reconciliation, but that is not the goal of forgiveness. You must forgive yourself most of all and free yourself from your afflictions.
As products of dysfunction, we will only succeed in bringing out the worst in people if we ourselves remain chaotic. You’re supposed to find yourself before you find your significant other. Those who say they “fall in love” are typically the same people who don’t take any accountability for their actions. To love someone is a right-minded choice. Do not trick yourself into thinking there’s some such thing as a “soulmate.” There is no person created specifically for you. That is delusional logic. You find someone who’s compatible and attractive enough for you. Then you coach each other up from there.
Though it’s much easier to find a significant other earlier in life, we are often not ready for them. We are typically greedier, the younger we are. Perhaps that’s the biggest reason romance should typically be last in your set of goals.
The Ultimate Power.
Love has a way of keeping a spirit alive even after death. Everything comes to an end at some point. It’s what makes every man equal. Only those who were loved will continue to live on after the ending and become something better. Greed makes us fear death while love helps us to confront it.
Instead of welcoming the chaos, mistrust, envy, treachery, self-righteousness, and escapism promoted daily. Choose to live by love’s principles. Those who have fulfilled themselves have no fear of death. Unconditional love takes away the fear of death and brings out one’s ultimate potential.
Without love, it is impossible to feel optimistic about the future. Now that you know all about dysfunction, you can work on changing any signs of it in your life. When you release love, you bring the best out of those around you. Reversing the greed in yourself helps you to guide others to be better. That feeling of emptiness can only be fulfilled by you. Your satisfaction is your job.
Everyone should read this book at least once in their lives. Make sure to check out all about love by bell hooks and get your own sense of it.
References and Photos
All About Love – Bell hooks
Undertale – Toby Fox
Pinocchio – Disney Studios
SpongeBob – Nickelodeon Studios